Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
