if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
