I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
