Already got asked if we're dating
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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