cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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