totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
