i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You ate ashes out of my bong
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
