i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
