Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
