Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
