all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
