D3 body, D1 cock
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
