Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
