i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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