You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
