White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
