I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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