Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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