i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
