a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
