There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
