like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
