i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
