Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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