is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
