WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
