just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
