I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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