i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
