He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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