Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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