you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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