the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
