i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
