we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
