i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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