Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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