so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
