well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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