I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
