I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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