just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
