Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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