Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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