i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
