I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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