Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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