My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
