I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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