I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
