the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
