carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My bed smells like the plague
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