The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
