A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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