Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
