I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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