You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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