She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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