I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
