I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Shame - the story of my life.
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