the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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