I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have fence marks all over my body
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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