Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
