Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
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I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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