oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
