I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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