All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
