Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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