never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
