the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
