go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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