You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I love having hate sex.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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