i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Enjoy the penises
I'm too high and old for this...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
