fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
