Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
