Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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