i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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