like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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